Having an “old story” mourning day…
Though it didn’t include my mother, who raised me, I grew up around a bunch of couples who were together 10, 20, 30 years. Many are now approaching 40 and 50 years together. It wasn’t something that I had in my life, but it was something that I wanted for my life. It’s the reason why I didn’t jump at marrying certain former partners and it’s the reason why I did move forward with my ex-wife (we’ve now been divorced 3 years).
Today would have been our 10-year anniversary and there is a melancholy pit in my stomach that won’t shake free. It’s not about her, I wouldn’t take her back if you paid me. It’s not even about our family together (although that is part of it if I’m honest). It’s more about that childhood image of enduring love and long-term commitment, I wanted that for my life. I wanted that for my family (to be the Huxtables or something like that). I look at life now and I just don’t see it.
So the part of that story, where the family gathers to celebrate 10 or 20+ years…well that is at least 10 to 20+ years away. I have no doubt that when I’m aligned, it will happen. In the meantime, I’m holding a Viking funeral for a child’s expectation about what could have been.