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Grieving My Childhood “Family”

Having an “old story” mourning day…

Though it didn’t include my mother, who raised me, I grew up around a bunch of couples who were together 10, 20, 30 years. Many are now approaching 40 and 50 years together. It wasn’t something that I had in my life, but it was something that I wanted for my life. It’s the reason why I didn’t jump at marrying certain former partners and it’s the reason why I did move forward with my ex-wife (we’ve now been divorced 3 years).

Today would have been our 10-year anniversary and there is a melancholy pit in my stomach that won’t shake free. It’s not about her, I wouldn’t take her back if you paid me. It’s not even about our family together (although that is part of it if I’m honest). It’s more about that childhood image of enduring love and long-term commitment, I wanted that for my life. I wanted that for my family (to be the Huxtables or something like that). I look at life now and I just don’t see it.

So the part of that story, where the family gathers to celebrate 10 or 20+ years…well that is at least 10 to 20+ years away. I have no doubt that when I’m aligned, it will happen. In the meantime, I’m holding a Viking funeral for a child’s expectation about what could have been.


About carpebootium

I am a modern-day pirate. I travel the world and trade in today's currency, information. I sail through opportunity, comedy, history and strategy to turn turbulent into tournament, chaotic into cathartic, and embarrassing into emboldening. There are none who should fear me save two: Those who have what I want and those who get in my way. Are you done sailing your calm waters with strong undertow? Have you your fill of empty treasure and oasis destinations? Well good...come and join my crew! We're a lively lot from all over the world but be forewarned...anyone attempting to drop anchor will be thrown overboard, shot, harpooned and then marooned on an isle of cannibals. We move on! If you are ready...welcome aboard the Carpe Bootium!


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