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Artistic, Business, Comedy, Original

Full of Sh*t

To ALL Employers Who Save Money By Buying Cheap Toilet Paper For Company Bathrooms:

When you put economy toilet paper in your bathrooms you may save yourself some money in your facilities budget.  Here’s what else you do:

  1. Employees are full of shit!

    • You intimidate your employees away from using your facilities to relieve themselves as nature intended due to the abrasive and unsubstantial nature of your toilet paper.
  2. Employees with chapped asses!

    • Your abrasive and unsubstantial toilet paper creates a very uncomfortable and lasting experience for your employees, which they in turn pass along to their co-workers and your customers.

Over the long term, what you save is not nearly as much as what it costs you.  Ask any venture capitalist which of the two companies they would invest in.

A: Company X is a hybrid of Full of Shit employees and employees with Chapped Asses, but cuts down their facilities costs by purchasing economy-level toilet paper.

B: Company Y has inflated facilities costs because they purchase mega-soft, ultra-pillow, caresses your backside toilet paper.

Company B is more profitable every time!

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About carpebootium

I am a modern-day pirate. I travel the world and trade in today's currency, information. I sail through opportunity, comedy, history and strategy to turn turbulent into tournament, chaotic into cathartic, and embarrassing into emboldening. There are none who should fear me save two: Those who have what I want and those who get in my way. Are you done sailing your calm waters with strong undertow? Have you your fill of empty treasure and oasis destinations? Well good...come and join my crew! We're a lively lot from all over the world but be forewarned...anyone attempting to drop anchor will be thrown overboard, shot, harpooned and then marooned on an isle of cannibals. We move on! If you are ready...welcome aboard the Carpe Bootium!

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