I want to start this by saying Thank You! I started this blog for myself, to give myself a place to share my thoughts, interests, and musings. I really never imagined that other people would really get into my posts, share them with others and talk about it. It just didn’t occur to me. This has been one of the more fun journeys I’ve taken. Now, it’s time to get personal.
Some of you know me and so you know that the past couple years have been difficult for me on a couple of fronts. Where that hits closest is what it has done in my family and what it has done in me. I found myself wallowing in depression and self-pity. I found myself turning to vices to ease the pains of a difficult time. I found my self-esteem eroding, my confidence faltering and my passion all but drained out of me. When life knocks you around the bruises take a while to heal if you aren’t beating yourself up in the process. It didn’t take long before I was black and blue all over, and I was black to start with!
Then a wonderful thing happened for me. I had a flashback. I went back to the day of my wedding. My wife and I were on a beautiful beach in Jamaica under a gorgeous morning sky. Our witnesses were a couple that we had just met the day before at the resort we were staying at. I looked into the eyes of my beloved and made a silent promise to keep our song going. At the time, the song “You Make Me Better” by Fabolous (yes, that is spelled correctly) was big on the radio and it was one of our favorite songs. It was pretty much descriptive of our relationship and who we were becoming together.
After the wedding, the male witness pulled me aside to tell me the secret of marriage. Expecting some Confucius-like response, I prepared my mind for this secret. He said it simply…Love your wife! I stared at him poleaxed. I couldn’t believe that he was going to just say that and let it resonate like he was the first person to discover that ice was actually water. Needless to say, I just kind of looked at him like Duh!
He proceeded to tell me that he didn’t mean Love (the feeling) or even Love (the intimate act). What he meant was Love (the action) and Love (the choice). Love is in what you do and don’t do. Love is in what you say and don’t say. Love is in your touch. Love is, to borrow from Betty Everett, it’s in his kiss (that’s where it is). When all the other loves get tested and tried, it’s the action love that remains and it’s the action love that will bring all the others back.
I thoroughly enjoy who I am when I am in romantic love. I’ve experienced it with three different people and I can honestly say each time I became a better form of myself. I was nicer, cleaner, more upbeat, happier, funnier, more considerate, a better dancer, the creases in my pants stayed better, I never had a bad hair day, my laundry washed itself and I walked through rainy days like the sun was shining only on me. Being in love is a place that we all enjoy and it makes life a much more fun place, but all too often we let that feeling fade into complacency, familiarity, lethargy and later contempt. The problem, we let the feeling or the sexual intimacy, override the choice and the act. Love stays active as long as you stay actively loving. It grows when you both stay actively loving. Love stays intimate when you choose to love intimately. It doesn’t maintain itself.
So I said all of that to say this. I am going to launch a spin-off blog called I Love Me Some You. Contrary to personalities like Terrell Owens (I love me some me!), I believe your world gets better and stays better when you love someone other than yourself. The purpose of this blog is going to be to walk through the journey of getting back to love. Share your love journey with the rest of us!