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Artistic, Comedy

Home from the Air Force

A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year tour unaccompanied to Shemya, Alaska. The first night he got home, he exclaimed to his wife, “Honey, I want you to know that I haven’t wasted all this time alone. Instead, I’ve mastered the art of mind over matter. Just watch this!”

And with that he dropped his trousers and shorts and stood before her in his altogether.

“Now watch,” he said. Next he said, “Dick, ten-HUT!”

And with that, his dick sprang to full erection. Then he said, “Dick, at EASE!”

And his dick deflated again.

“Wow, that was amazing,” said his wife. “Do you mind if I bring our next-door neighbor over to see this? It’s really something else!”

The guy responded that he didn’t mind at all, since he was proud of what he had accomplished. So the wife goes next door and comes back with a delicious looking woman who got this guy’s full attention! After a brief pause to take her in, he said, “Now watch this.” Then he said “Dick, ten-HUT!”

And the dick sprang to life. Then it was “Dick, at EASE!”

But nothing happened. So the guy again said, “Dick, at EASE!”

But still nothing happened. So the guy now says,”For the last time, you son-of-a-bitch, I said AT EASE!!”

Still nothing. Well, the guy was embarassed and ran off to the bathroom. His wife made excuses for him and then joined her husband in the bathroom, where she found him masturbating.

“What in the world are you doing?” she asked.

The guy says, “I’m givin’ this son-of-a-bitch a dishonorable discharge!”

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About carpebootium

I am a modern-day pirate. I travel the world and trade in today's currency, information. I sail through opportunity, comedy, history and strategy to turn turbulent into tournament, chaotic into cathartic, and embarrassing into emboldening. There are none who should fear me save two: Those who have what I want and those who get in my way. Are you done sailing your calm waters with strong undertow? Have you your fill of empty treasure and oasis destinations? Well good...come and join my crew! We're a lively lot from all over the world but be forewarned...anyone attempting to drop anchor will be thrown overboard, shot, harpooned and then marooned on an isle of cannibals. We move on! If you are ready...welcome aboard the Carpe Bootium!

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